Stepping back in time to January 2007 and the arrival of Nicholas. I was so excited to have my first baby and really had no idea how my life was about to change....but what first time parent really does? Of course, with Nicholas being my first born, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I was a nervous first time mom and was worried about what I should or should not be doing. (Am I holding Nicholas too much? Not enough? What if he takes the pacifier? Will that spoil him? And so on and so on.) Couple that with the fact that Nicholas had MAJOR colic and screamed for hours and hours and hours throughout morning, noon, and night, and let's just say, it wasn't an easy transition. Don't get me wrong, I love Nicholas to death...he's my only son and has always loved his mama, but he was difficult in the beginning and I remember feeling like I was somehow failing as a mother because I couldn't comfort my baby...I honestly didn't know what to do and spent many a day crying while holding my screaming newborn. When I look back now, I truly believe I was going through some form of postpartum depression, although I didn't know it at the time. I felt like things would never get better and late winter/early spring of 2007 was a bleak time for me. Shouldn't I have been a blissfully happy new mother?
Fast forward to April of 2009, a little over 2 years later and the birth of Lexi. This time, I was determined not to fall into the same funk as I had been in when Nicholas first arrived. But, I'll be honest, I was very nervous as Lexi's due date approached that she would have colic as well. I remember telling my mom that I honestly didn't think I could handle it again. Lexi was born and pretty much slept away the first month of her life. "They" say colic usually rears its ugly head around 2-3 weeks after birth (bingo with Nicholas!), but by one month old, Lexi had shown no signs. I breathed a sigh of relief. Lexi continued to be a very easy going baby...she slept well, she hardly fussed, she was able to be soothed quickly...it was like being on the opposite side of the spectrum. Admittedly, I was a bit more relaxed...I worried a bit less about those nagging questions. However, I really don't think my perspective had much to do with me, as it did with Lexi's personality. It's funny because to this day I always say Lexi is my "easier" child and people always seem surprised. Lexi is definitely much more fiery and active than Nicholas (who has grown cautious and developed a people pleasing nature as he's gotten older), but I think this all goes back to remembering how they were in those early months.
Which really brings me back to the point of this blog post. With Claire, I really didn't know what to expect. I've had one very difficult baby and one very easy baby...so which would Claire be? Well, I have to say, she's in the middle. She by no means cries or fusses nearly as much as Nicholas did, however, she's a bit more unsettled than Lexi. Nicholas did not derive comfort from being held as an infant, and Lexi was so relaxed that it didn't matter if you held her or put her down, but Claire definitely likes to be held. She likes to be close to me. I'll admit, sometimes I get frustrated because I'm busy with the other two kids and can't hold her all day long, but then I remember how heartbreaking it was to not be able to comfort Nicholas, and I feel thankful that all Claire needs is her mommy. With Nicholas and Lexi, breastfeeding was very difficult in the first month and I had to supplement with bottles early on. Claire has taken to breastfeeding very naturally, however, she rejects the bottle now (which we're working on). Nicholas and Lexi were both pacifier kids, however, Claire doesn't seem to care about the pacifier much.
Even though it's not fair to compare, I do like to reflect because it helps me to see how far I've come as a mother. Those of you who know me closely, know I have an anxious personality and this leads me to second guess myself. I truly believe now that each child has to be parented differently because they are individuals, but I didn't know that five and a half years ago. Experience has made me more confident in my decisions and that has led to me worrying less about those nagging questions (Am I holding him/her too much? What about the pacifier? Potty training?....news flash, Nicholas did not walk into kindergarten needing to be held, sucking on a pacifier, or wearing a diaper). Which leads me to my final thought--that I am able to enjoy Claire as a newborn, my last baby, because I now know that the small things are truly small things and that the bigger picture is what matters.
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| September 15th |
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| 10 lbs. 8 oz and 23 inches long (97th percentile for both) |
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| I'm excited to see how this relationship grows...I feel lucky to have sisters and am glad my girls were have that bond as well |
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